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A Day in Qtine

12.12 "I masturbate to American actors speaking french until my soul vacates my body."

I’ve been social distancing, and staying in for quite some time now. In all honesty, my current life hasn't differed a lot from my regular routine, apart from the fact that my Tinder game has become quite dry. But either way, I’m sure you’re interested in knowing what a day in the life of a self-isolating twentysomething student looks like. Enjoy!

9.30 I wake up. Nowadays I dont need an alarm clock, mainly because my anxiety wakes me up in the morning. But this means I can usually get started with my day early! #blessed

9.31 I go on my phone to peruse the most important media. It's essential for to me to be up to date on the current crisis situation.

10:15 After one hour of checking Instagram and Tiktok, I force myself out of bed to have a Zoom meeting for school.

12.00 Phew! I can't believe I participated in two hours of studies. I deserve to relax and eat something. I have five frozen cinnamon buns. Non-microwaved, because hello, there's a pandemic going on, there are more important things to think about. I wash down my frozen meal with… some weird juice my roommate bought like four months ago. #StayHydrated

12.12 I masturbate to American actors speaking french until my soul vacates my body. (here’s Bradley Cooper, and here's Timothee Chalamet. yer welc)

12.40 It's TikTok Time! Should I maybe upload something? Or would that be sad since I’m older than 16 and a half?

12.42 *starts learning the dance to Say So*

13.35 I upload a video to tiktok.

13.45 Some kid comments “Milf'' on my Tiktok. I delete the video.

14.30 Time to read a book.

14.31 Sike! I have my own shakespearean story I tell myself and dive head first into the deep, dangerous sea of my crushs’ Instagram.

16.30 I stalk my crush on Linkedin whilst drinking the mysterious drink from the fridge. Is it peach? Apricot? What does an apricot even look like?

16.31 Google pics of fruit, and feel weirdly productive.

17.00 Reading an article about Scumbros. Feeling perplexed that I find Jonah Hill, like, hot.

18.00 Dinner time! I actually need to go and buy food, so I put on my jacket and Supreme face mask. Sike, I’m not a fkn loser; I don't wear a jacket to the grocery store.

18.40 I try a million filters on Instagram and realise I need to shave down my jaw and add hearts as freckles to look as hot as I can.

20.00 My eyes are hurting from watching too many Tiktoks.

20.01 Should I shower?

20.02 No. I’m hungry so I decide to eat everything in my cupboard. Including the packaging and wrapping. Because I’m a qUirKy giRL who LoVes FoOd.

21.30 I’m going to bed. Mainly to change the scenery for my TikTok viewing. Gotta get a good Chi flow.

23.00 I listen to a podcast about philosophy because I’m not like other girls.

23.20 mid-pod - I’m dead asleep.

Featuring art from @slimesunday

By Olivia Brask

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